Hello everybody~

I'm not sure why I didn't blog as often as I said I would in my previous post. Probably because there were always other things to do - people to meet, things to see, alcohol to be drunk, parties to attend (lol). Probably because I've hit writers block. But above all, probably, it's because nobody ever reads my blog anymore, and that I'm blogging for the sake of making sure I still can write, and not just form simple sentences and snippets of my thoughts in 140 characters.

On 30 September 2013 I started my IAP - Industry Attachment Program - with ITE College West. I'm not going to openly reveal where I'm interning at, but if you're my friend on Facebook you'll probably know it off there. =) I'm also not going to be posting much on the company I've chosen to serve internship period at because even though my first week of internship has just ended, I've already made plans to come back and work with this company. It's an international company and if you don't know, I'm sorry to say that this is all I can reveal here on my blog. The Internet is a vast, expense space after all, and even though I'm fairly sure nobody visits my little corner of the Internet anymore, I never know who might chance upon this. So there.

Yesterday because of one of my faithful friends, I realised I'm still receiving anonymous hate ... like, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? (.__.)" I mean, I can't control how people feel towards/about me. I can't control what people want to say about me when my back is turned to them. I can't control what people choose to think of me. This is why I don't really form friendships based on my first impression on a person alone. Yes, it is important, but first impressions to me don't actually matter because I believe there are many people like me in this world; we will only show you what we want and choose to show you. We have a million secrets, a million sides, a million skeletons in our closets and you will probably spend a lifetime trying to unearth every single detail about us - to no avail. Maybe you, dear reader, are just like me.


Sorry, I'm going off-track.

People like us are the way we are because of what we have experienced before. We have all either been hurt, let down, disappointed, betrayed, whatever, in one way or another. Pain changes people - aren't these three words everywhere now? Like on Twitter, mostly? I mean, it's sort of the 'trend' nowadays on Twitter to steal quotes off Tumblr and find inspiring quotes off Google or something about pain, about feeling upset/moody/emotional/maybe even depressed, about suicide and self-harm and the like. No? Whatever.

So the question here is: If we can talk the talk, why can't we walk the talk? Why do people in general not practice what they preach, or at least know what they're talking about? All of us talk about self-love, self-respect, loving thy neighbor and so on. But how many of us truly can stay true to who we are and what we think/feel/say? I may say on the whole, I can. But throw me into a brand new situation I've never been in before - thus not knowing how to deal with it - and I may be a totally different person afterwards. Aren't we all the same?

I've learnt over time that there is more to people than truly meets the eye. I am a complex person, everyone says so. However much of an 'open book' one of my ex-boyfriends deem me, there is still a lot to me that I don't reveal. And only God knows the truth. This is why as much as possible, I don't judge people and other cultures differing from the one I was brought up in. In fact, just because I am a lot more open-minded than most people I know/most people around me, I receive a lot of hate. Just because something is new to you, or just because there is something in your life which you aren't particularly used to, doesn't mean it's always necessarily bad/harmful/malicious/etc.

I'm a straight-talker, I'm open-minded as far as open-minded goes, I tell it like it is; no extra sugar with my words. I was - probably still am - the classic wild child, except I think I probably could have been more wild, a bit more crazy, but there also always was the good girl in me. So maybe that's why people think I'm a bitch now; I spent so many years trying to be good and getting walked over by everyone, that when I decided to stand up for my rights and for myself, people started getting scared. And what do people do when they're scared of you? Exactly, they call you a bitch. But my boyfriend, my closest friends, my immediate family members (I guess), and God, know that's not true ... and ultimately, they're the only ones that really matter.

You call me fake, you call me pretentious, you hate on me because I appear flippant and arrogant. You hate on me without taking at least five minutes or so from your life to get to know me better without making your false accusations and judgments. And you blame me for being the way I am, for putting up high walls around my heart? Well, who wants to be hurt over and over again in life?

"Always want all the guys and from what I see just now, she wants you the most."
—Anonymous hating on me. This was taken straight off said faithful friend's Ask.fm account

Even if it were true, Anon got the guy wrong ... XD Said faithful friend even knows the last five words in that statement above isn't true. He also knows who truly has a firm claim on my heart. We're open and honest with each other; in fact, he was the one who told me upfront about this issue, no holds barred. Although I'm certain if I didn't approach him first to ask him why he appeared upset to me, he wouldn't have mentioned anything to me.

With certain people, guys and gals alike, if I deem them trustworthy enough and close enough to me, I have a sort of a flirtatious friendship with them. This obviously includes hugs and kisses on the cheek, but that's just about it. No making out, no petting (light or heavy), no kisses in the dark, no quick tumbles on the couch, no sex. The kind you know will never go any further, where you don't have to worry about platonic kisses on the cheek because you know the teasing is just that - platonic. It is sad that a lot of people just judge others based on just what they see/hear alone. I guess I'm a bit too open-minded to be living in an Asian society, and a bit too much for certain people's tastes. But hey, you can't please everybody, and it is not my desire to do so. I live to express, not to impress.

I constantly say this because I DO live by it: I never will change myself just to conform to society's standards. I make my stands and I stand by what I believe in. I may not be a strong girl, but I am strong enough to know who I want and what I want out of life. I'm not popular, but I have extremely nice and faithful friends. I may not be liked, but I know I am loved. I don't really care for people like that anon because stuff like that just shows how little care and concern s/he has for the feelings of others, and it is such actions that truly define you as a person. It is sad to see that such people still exist - people who hide behind their computer screens and behind an anonymous persona to spread hate across continents, people who have a lot to say about others but will never do any reflection upon themselves, people who will never open up their eyes to see that in this world, there are different kinds of people; you just have to make an effort to know them better to understand why people are the way they are.

I'm not hating on anyone or anything. I don't blame anyone, even the anon mentioned, for their negative perceptions of me. But honestly, who likes being misunderstood? I know I don't, as much as I experience this, thus this blog entry.

People are going to hate on you whatever you do anyway, so you might as well do whatever you want. It is after all YOUR life. Look at Mother Teresa for instance; for all the good she did, there were still people who hated on her and deemed her a hypocrite. At the opposite end of the spectrum, look at Adolf Hitler. He may have started World War II in Europe, but there were still people who respected him and supported him till his death. You cannot please everybody. People are bound to talk, so I may as well continue sticking to my own morals and live my life the way I want to. I honestly think doing so is the highest form of self-respect anybody can attain - because you are being fair to yourself and not changing yourself just to fit in to someone else's standards.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you don't agree, but hey ... everyone's different, right? That's why we're all beautiful in our own ways. =)

I'd like to end off this long blog entry with a Google Image on the famous Paradoxical Commandments:


Toodles!

HELLO EVERYBODY!


I've been neglecting my blog for a good few months already. =( Don't get me wrong, I've been wanting to blog for ages! But there always had to be something else to do - studying, spending time with my boyfriend/friends/family, projects, online-shopping (haha) ... etc. The past few months have been nothing but a big rollercoaster ride and I'm exhilarated and exhausted already. It's September, my favorite month, and I'm on vacation now. Haha how time flies doesn't it? Just a few blog entries ago I was whining and moaning about school and the constant weight on my shoulders. But I'm done with school already!... well, almost. I have the internship period to serve for about 18 weeks. And after that, I'm officially an ITE graduate with a Higher NITEC certificate! =)

So lately, I've been more active on my Twitter than anything else. I rarely log in to Facebook anymore, and I've largely neglected my blog! I'm glad I finally have a day off from everyone and everything and just sit here at home in front of my pink VAIO E Series, wearing a comfy gray cropped pullover from Forever 21 and enjoying the cold rainy weather.

What can I tell you guys about?... oh yes, my boyfriend has been enlisted in to the Army since 15 August 2013. The first few days of him being away was very difficult, and even more so when my little dog Robin refused to go in to my parents' bedroom to sleep (yes, my dog sleeps in his bed in my parents' bedroom with air-conditioning. Can you say pampered?) for a long time, thinking his best friend would be home anytime soon and he didn't want to miss the chance to welcome him home. As if my boyfriend leaving wasn't already painful enough, I had to see the poor dog wait there, oblivious to what was happening. Thank God for my friends and for everyone else around me who lent me their strength and support! I'm so grateful. =')

To be honest, I know every Singaporean male has an obligation to our government as soon as he is of age. I know it is what every Singaporean male has to go through. I'm not complaining. I'm just scared - scared of how his being away will affect our relationship. We've been through hell and back just to get to where we are now, and I know National Service will be what makes or breaks us. I'm hoping it won't be the latter. I know all I need is a good supply of faith and God by my side. =)

On 17 July 2013, my boyfriend and I celebrated our fifth anniversary together. We didn't do anything exciting, just spent time window-shopping and chit-chatting and basically enjoying each other's company. I had long prepared my gift for him. I didn't really care - and still don't - that he never prepared anything for me and only bought me something I rather needed on the spot. I'm just grateful having him in my life still, loving me and caring for me despite all the hell we've been through. ^^

Some photos -






We went to Vivo City to hang out and spend time with each other. We originally planned to catch a movie but nothing particularly caught our interest then. So we just spent time together and until today I'm still pretty overwhelmed by the sheer speed in which time flies. Five years has passed since the day he very nervously asked me to be his girlfriend, and I still remember purposefully pretending not to hear his question just to make him ask me three times. XP His nervousness back then was just so adorable it made the ice princess in me melt straightaway, like a ice cream cone on a hot summer's day.

Now, five years later? Don't expect my boyfriend to be nervous for long. He's grown into a big strong man who knows what he wants and how to get it! (;



Dinner was an enjoyable affair. We went to the Bakerzin outlet there and I was practically bursting with excitement to hand him the present I prepared. I couldn't wait so as soon as we placed our orders I gave it to him straightaway! It's always so nice to see him happy.






This entry, depending on how you look at it, can be a continuation of the 'saga' from before. Or it could just be a general post. Whatever it is, I'm not here to clarify myself or make myself likable to you. I am who I am, and if you can accept and love me for it then you're probably still in my life, or we could probably be great friends. Needless to say, if you can't, you're probably insignificant to me and I won't waste time trying to make you see sense nor will I try to make you like me.


Hi fellas,

We all hate dealing with heartbreaks. We all hate dealing with break-ups. They can be so rough, and they can be amicable; no matter what, no one really wants to go through them. The loss of your relationship can bring on intense heartache and stress.

But what I didn't count upon was the bringing on of someone unwelcome into my life. Well, not directly, anyway. I know how painful break-ups can be and I know from firsthand experience it's not easy letting go. But there is no need to go all psychotic on someone else (a.k.a my friend A.) WHO IS NOT EVEN INVOLVED WITH YOUR EX and make life miserable for them. Bear in mind that now, you are single. You are not anyone's girl/boyfriend. You have the right to date whoever you want to date and see whoever you want to see. You have the right to do whatever you want to do and live life however you want to live it. But also bear in mind that your once-boy/girlfriend-now-ex is entitled to THE SAME RIGHTS.

We all have that one ex we don't want the world to know we dated. This psycho is probably one ex J. (okay so the situation unfolds here: J. is not really a friend of mine, he's on close/good terms with A. So Little Miss Psycho has promptly assumed A. and J. are together and that "HER PRECIOUS J." (lolzers) broke up with her for A. Assumption much?!) didn't want the world to know about.

Now, because of Little Miss Psycho (hereafter LMP), everyone has their own stories and variations of what is going on. What's the damned point of it all? What's the point of all these fabrications and drama? What's the point of feeding other people with stories when in reality YOU are the one still burdened by the truth of what really went on in your relationship? Doing all these doesn't make you a heroine, nor will it make your ex-boyfriend come back to you. He has moved on and so should you. Wallowing in your sorrow and indulging in self-pity is fine. Feel sad, cry, attempt suicide (lol), drink, take drugs, WHAT-FUCKING-EVER. But why assume when it has been made crystal-clear that both A. and J. are NOT dating, NOT seeing each other, NOT romantically/sexually involved in any way whatsoever?

Are you happy? Are you happy seeing all these drama unfold? Because, you little shit, nobody is happy. Nobody is truly happy with the fact that YOU fucking exist. J. broke up with you for a damned good reason and now I can truly see why: You're too much. You're insecure, you're a control freak, you're dramatic, you're attention-seeking. Like, 100 missed calls on J.'s phone, anyone? Lol!

You can continue feeding stories to other people who may actually give a tinker's toot about the likes of you. You can continue prolonging this drama series. You can continue being mean, you can continue cyber-bullying my friend. But let me tell you something: It's not going to change the fact that J. has long moved on from you and you are NOT getting him back. You have to face up to reality and stop being the delusional person that you are. Does making other people look bad make you feel good? Well then it clearly goes to show how bloody insecure you are.

It's hard to let go? Don't fucking tell ME it's hard to let go when the only thing you know about me is that my Twitter handle is @cigaretteveins. Do you know how much pain I have been made to go through? Yet I'm still here, I'm still alive and kicking, so what's your deal?

I know you stalk my Twitter but if you have read this entry up till here, you will realise that I never did reveal any names. Not even yours. Don't push me to the damned limits; you've hurt and harassed my friend enough. Go fucking do some self-reflection and learn to let go and move on with life, then we'll talk.

Hi hi hi hi hi! First post for the month of May! =D


Believe me, I've been meaning to blog in the longest time ever, but school is taking up so much time that I'm constantly worn out. D= I kinda lack a social life right now and I haven't played a single game of League of Legends in close to three weeks already! Sigh.

Well, here I am again to tell you guys how I spent my Mother's Day this year. ^^ Because my family loves my little toy poodle Robin, Mom decided to spend this day with him by bringing him out to the dog cafe located at Serangoon NEX!





















It's inappropriate of me to be blogging about this, but since nobody really reads my blog anymore, I shall just blog away then.

Another tragedy has struck the family. Well, not my immediate family, anyway. I'm talking about my extended family - y'know, my relatives and stuff. A lot of things have been going on, both with the world and within my world. So much tragedy, so much loss, so much tears and pain.

I'm getting a little tired and heavily burdened by all of these. I can't stand seeing people around me cry. I can't stand seeing people around me hurt and in pain. I can't stand the feeling of loss and separation.

And I can't imagine how much more my heart has to take.

It all hit me just now that everyone's no longer as young as they used to be. Everyone's no longer as carefree, no longer as 110% innocent and pure, no longer as genuinely happy. Everyone has their own responsibilities and commitments in their own lives. Everyone has their own secret joys and triumphs. Everyone has their desires, their temptations, their hate and their pain. All good things come to an end, this we know is true. But I just wish that end won't come so soon.

Call me childish, call me immature, call me foolish, but all I want is the safety and security of knowing I will wake up each day and know that all the people in my life are still alive and kicking, fit as a fiddle, still with me. I know to some of you, it may seem as though as I'm unwilling to face up to reality. But we all have points in our lives whereby we just want to run away and retreat in to that little bubble we've created for ourselves as a form of escapade.

I don't even know how to react to bad news anymore. I saw my mother's red eyes, heard my grandmother making numerous phone calls to break the news to our relatives, but I couldn't react the way a regular person will react to death. I suppose, for a normal person, first comes disbelief, then comes sadness. And the final emotion would be to want the deceased back to life again so badly it makes your heart literally ache, because there are still so many things left undone, still so much left unsaid. I just felt numb. And empty. Then a great wave of sadness and other emotions came over me as it dawned on me that life is just that fleeting. Nobody knows what's going to happen. This could be my final blog entry. Someone out there may be run over by a vehicle tomorrow. And someone else could have just stirred awake from a coma. Anything can happen and the scariest part of all these is that it's all totally beyond our control.

I think this is the reason why I'm not afraid to die. We have heard so much about death and the afterlife and such. But we still don't know what can happen to us in the next thirty seconds or so of our lives. In death, we know what to expect. But with life, it's a great fireball of energy that we can barely hold with our bare hands. And humans all, in one way or another, want a sense of safety and security. We all love adventure, but we also want a place to go home to.

I don't know if this blog entry is organised and/or well-written enough but to end this blog entry, I'd like to share with all you dear readers a poem about cherishing life.




Yet another disaster has shaken the world. If you don't already know, get your head out of the sand and read the news. Buy a paper for S$1, S$0.70, or check your Twitter. Go to Yahoo!, Google, whatever.

It's so fucking sad, isn't it? The Boston Marathon is America's iconic race, the oldest marathon in the country, and the most important. 18 people ran it in 1897; last year, 35,000 did. It's the site of Alberto Salazar and Dick Beardsley's 1982 duel in the sun. It's where Kip Litton may have ridden a bike, and where Rosie Ruiz definitely took the subway. The race is also iconic because you have to qualify. A New York Marathon shirt means someone got lucky in a race lottery. A Boston Marathon shirt means they've run fast. The finish line today was one of the saddest, most terrible athletic scenes ever. But in an ordinary year it's extraordinary. Well-trained amateurs from all over the world: Sweating, straining, slowing, sprinting.

The course was chosen to humble you, but now all of that seems irrelevant. But it matters, too. We don’t know for sure who set off the explosions, and we certainly don’t know why. But iconic events are a temptation. Terrorists struck the World Trade Center, and they hit the Boston Marathon. The videos of people fleeing from the blasts, with the smoke curling up, are eerily similar to what the world saw 12 years ago - and what we've seen other times too, as in London and Madrid.

Today, I woke up worrying about how to tell my lecturer that I wasn't going go to school. I woke up with a rather deep sense of sadness and loss because the first text message I opened was sent to me by someone greatly close to my heart, and she's gone away. I woke up feeling a little upset by the things I was going to have to do for my projects for school. I'm a born worrier actually; I worry about a lot of things, big or small. I worried about anything that I may have missed out on today, I worried about my friend, I worried about my grades and my projects, I worried about money, and I worried about boys, too. All in all, in the big scheme of things, these issues are very insignificant. I woke up, got myself lunch, played a game of League of Legends, did some research for my projects ... all while stressing these little things.

But when I heard about the bombing in Boston, I went numb. At a marathon dedicated to precious young children, beautiful little boys and girls, who lost their lives in the Sandy Hook Shootings, bombs were set off. It killed two, and injured 28. At least ten people have lost their limbs, whole limbs.

Just think of all the things you won't be able to do without your legs. You won't be able to move from class to class, you won't be able to go for long walks with your lover, you won't be able to run through a field of flowers. Then think of all the things you won't be able to do without your arms. You won't be able to type or play games on your iPhones/Androids, you won't be able to hold your wife's hand in the operating theatre when she's in labor, you won't be able to catch a Frisbee. Just think about it.

It makes you a lot more thankful, doesn't it? Suddenly all your petty issues seem so far away. Innocent people woke up this morning excited to run in the Boston Marathon. And today, these innocent people have been corrupted and ruined by some sick individual.

Y'know, there's something particularly devastating about an attack on a marathon. It's an epic event in which men and women appear almost superhuman. The winning men run for hours at a pace even normal fit people can only hold in a sprint. But it's also so ordinary. It's not held in a stadium or on a track. It's held in the same streets everyone drives on and walks down.

When we find out who did this, we may well find some fascination with the event. Perhaps it was a foreign terrorist, or a sick American. Perhaps it was someone who spotted a terribly easy target.

Or perhaps it was someone who saw a reflection of the human spirit, and decided just to try to shatter it.

Whether you are a Democrat or a Republican, a Catholic or an atheist, I think we can all band together in this time of mourning and not only weep for the lives lost and people injured today, but pray for them, pray for their families, and pray for a better tomorrow.



Never underestimate the power of a prayer.

Boston, our thoughts and hearts are with you.

Hello everybody~

I'm not sure why I didn't blog as often as I said I would in my previous post. Probably because there were always other things to do - people to meet, things to see, alcohol to be drunk, parties to attend (lol). Probably because I've hit writers block. But above all, probably, it's because nobody ever reads my blog anymore, and that I'm blogging for the sake of making sure I still can write, and not just form simple sentences and snippets of my thoughts in 140 characters.

On 30 September 2013 I started my IAP - Industry Attachment Program - with ITE College West. I'm not going to openly reveal where I'm interning at, but if you're my friend on Facebook you'll probably know it off there. =) I'm also not going to be posting much on the company I've chosen to serve internship period at because even though my first week of internship has just ended, I've already made plans to come back and work with this company. It's an international company and if you don't know, I'm sorry to say that this is all I can reveal here on my blog. The Internet is a vast, expense space after all, and even though I'm fairly sure nobody visits my little corner of the Internet anymore, I never know who might chance upon this. So there.

Yesterday because of one of my faithful friends, I realised I'm still receiving anonymous hate ... like, whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? (.__.)" I mean, I can't control how people feel towards/about me. I can't control what people want to say about me when my back is turned to them. I can't control what people choose to think of me. This is why I don't really form friendships based on my first impression on a person alone. Yes, it is important, but first impressions to me don't actually matter because I believe there are many people like me in this world; we will only show you what we want and choose to show you. We have a million secrets, a million sides, a million skeletons in our closets and you will probably spend a lifetime trying to unearth every single detail about us - to no avail. Maybe you, dear reader, are just like me.


Sorry, I'm going off-track.

People like us are the way we are because of what we have experienced before. We have all either been hurt, let down, disappointed, betrayed, whatever, in one way or another. Pain changes people - aren't these three words everywhere now? Like on Twitter, mostly? I mean, it's sort of the 'trend' nowadays on Twitter to steal quotes off Tumblr and find inspiring quotes off Google or something about pain, about feeling upset/moody/emotional/maybe even depressed, about suicide and self-harm and the like. No? Whatever.

So the question here is: If we can talk the talk, why can't we walk the talk? Why do people in general not practice what they preach, or at least know what they're talking about? All of us talk about self-love, self-respect, loving thy neighbor and so on. But how many of us truly can stay true to who we are and what we think/feel/say? I may say on the whole, I can. But throw me into a brand new situation I've never been in before - thus not knowing how to deal with it - and I may be a totally different person afterwards. Aren't we all the same?

I've learnt over time that there is more to people than truly meets the eye. I am a complex person, everyone says so. However much of an 'open book' one of my ex-boyfriends deem me, there is still a lot to me that I don't reveal. And only God knows the truth. This is why as much as possible, I don't judge people and other cultures differing from the one I was brought up in. In fact, just because I am a lot more open-minded than most people I know/most people around me, I receive a lot of hate. Just because something is new to you, or just because there is something in your life which you aren't particularly used to, doesn't mean it's always necessarily bad/harmful/malicious/etc.

I'm a straight-talker, I'm open-minded as far as open-minded goes, I tell it like it is; no extra sugar with my words. I was - probably still am - the classic wild child, except I think I probably could have been more wild, a bit more crazy, but there also always was the good girl in me. So maybe that's why people think I'm a bitch now; I spent so many years trying to be good and getting walked over by everyone, that when I decided to stand up for my rights and for myself, people started getting scared. And what do people do when they're scared of you? Exactly, they call you a bitch. But my boyfriend, my closest friends, my immediate family members (I guess), and God, know that's not true ... and ultimately, they're the only ones that really matter.

You call me fake, you call me pretentious, you hate on me because I appear flippant and arrogant. You hate on me without taking at least five minutes or so from your life to get to know me better without making your false accusations and judgments. And you blame me for being the way I am, for putting up high walls around my heart? Well, who wants to be hurt over and over again in life?

"Always want all the guys and from what I see just now, she wants you the most."
—Anonymous hating on me. This was taken straight off said faithful friend's Ask.fm account

Even if it were true, Anon got the guy wrong ... XD Said faithful friend even knows the last five words in that statement above isn't true. He also knows who truly has a firm claim on my heart. We're open and honest with each other; in fact, he was the one who told me upfront about this issue, no holds barred. Although I'm certain if I didn't approach him first to ask him why he appeared upset to me, he wouldn't have mentioned anything to me.

With certain people, guys and gals alike, if I deem them trustworthy enough and close enough to me, I have a sort of a flirtatious friendship with them. This obviously includes hugs and kisses on the cheek, but that's just about it. No making out, no petting (light or heavy), no kisses in the dark, no quick tumbles on the couch, no sex. The kind you know will never go any further, where you don't have to worry about platonic kisses on the cheek because you know the teasing is just that - platonic. It is sad that a lot of people just judge others based on just what they see/hear alone. I guess I'm a bit too open-minded to be living in an Asian society, and a bit too much for certain people's tastes. But hey, you can't please everybody, and it is not my desire to do so. I live to express, not to impress.

I constantly say this because I DO live by it: I never will change myself just to conform to society's standards. I make my stands and I stand by what I believe in. I may not be a strong girl, but I am strong enough to know who I want and what I want out of life. I'm not popular, but I have extremely nice and faithful friends. I may not be liked, but I know I am loved. I don't really care for people like that anon because stuff like that just shows how little care and concern s/he has for the feelings of others, and it is such actions that truly define you as a person. It is sad to see that such people still exist - people who hide behind their computer screens and behind an anonymous persona to spread hate across continents, people who have a lot to say about others but will never do any reflection upon themselves, people who will never open up their eyes to see that in this world, there are different kinds of people; you just have to make an effort to know them better to understand why people are the way they are.

I'm not hating on anyone or anything. I don't blame anyone, even the anon mentioned, for their negative perceptions of me. But honestly, who likes being misunderstood? I know I don't, as much as I experience this, thus this blog entry.

People are going to hate on you whatever you do anyway, so you might as well do whatever you want. It is after all YOUR life. Look at Mother Teresa for instance; for all the good she did, there were still people who hated on her and deemed her a hypocrite. At the opposite end of the spectrum, look at Adolf Hitler. He may have started World War II in Europe, but there were still people who respected him and supported him till his death. You cannot please everybody. People are bound to talk, so I may as well continue sticking to my own morals and live my life the way I want to. I honestly think doing so is the highest form of self-respect anybody can attain - because you are being fair to yourself and not changing yourself just to fit in to someone else's standards.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you don't agree, but hey ... everyone's different, right? That's why we're all beautiful in our own ways. =)

I'd like to end off this long blog entry with a Google Image on the famous Paradoxical Commandments:


Toodles!

HELLO EVERYBODY!


I've been neglecting my blog for a good few months already. =( Don't get me wrong, I've been wanting to blog for ages! But there always had to be something else to do - studying, spending time with my boyfriend/friends/family, projects, online-shopping (haha) ... etc. The past few months have been nothing but a big rollercoaster ride and I'm exhilarated and exhausted already. It's September, my favorite month, and I'm on vacation now. Haha how time flies doesn't it? Just a few blog entries ago I was whining and moaning about school and the constant weight on my shoulders. But I'm done with school already!... well, almost. I have the internship period to serve for about 18 weeks. And after that, I'm officially an ITE graduate with a Higher NITEC certificate! =)

So lately, I've been more active on my Twitter than anything else. I rarely log in to Facebook anymore, and I've largely neglected my blog! I'm glad I finally have a day off from everyone and everything and just sit here at home in front of my pink VAIO E Series, wearing a comfy gray cropped pullover from Forever 21 and enjoying the cold rainy weather.

What can I tell you guys about?... oh yes, my boyfriend has been enlisted in to the Army since 15 August 2013. The first few days of him being away was very difficult, and even more so when my little dog Robin refused to go in to my parents' bedroom to sleep (yes, my dog sleeps in his bed in my parents' bedroom with air-conditioning. Can you say pampered?) for a long time, thinking his best friend would be home anytime soon and he didn't want to miss the chance to welcome him home. As if my boyfriend leaving wasn't already painful enough, I had to see the poor dog wait there, oblivious to what was happening. Thank God for my friends and for everyone else around me who lent me their strength and support! I'm so grateful. =')

To be honest, I know every Singaporean male has an obligation to our government as soon as he is of age. I know it is what every Singaporean male has to go through. I'm not complaining. I'm just scared - scared of how his being away will affect our relationship. We've been through hell and back just to get to where we are now, and I know National Service will be what makes or breaks us. I'm hoping it won't be the latter. I know all I need is a good supply of faith and God by my side. =)

On 17 July 2013, my boyfriend and I celebrated our fifth anniversary together. We didn't do anything exciting, just spent time window-shopping and chit-chatting and basically enjoying each other's company. I had long prepared my gift for him. I didn't really care - and still don't - that he never prepared anything for me and only bought me something I rather needed on the spot. I'm just grateful having him in my life still, loving me and caring for me despite all the hell we've been through. ^^

Some photos -






We went to Vivo City to hang out and spend time with each other. We originally planned to catch a movie but nothing particularly caught our interest then. So we just spent time together and until today I'm still pretty overwhelmed by the sheer speed in which time flies. Five years has passed since the day he very nervously asked me to be his girlfriend, and I still remember purposefully pretending not to hear his question just to make him ask me three times. XP His nervousness back then was just so adorable it made the ice princess in me melt straightaway, like a ice cream cone on a hot summer's day.

Now, five years later? Don't expect my boyfriend to be nervous for long. He's grown into a big strong man who knows what he wants and how to get it! (;



Dinner was an enjoyable affair. We went to the Bakerzin outlet there and I was practically bursting with excitement to hand him the present I prepared. I couldn't wait so as soon as we placed our orders I gave it to him straightaway! It's always so nice to see him happy.






This entry, depending on how you look at it, can be a continuation of the 'saga' from before. Or it could just be a general post. Whatever it is, I'm not here to clarify myself or make myself likable to you. I am who I am, and if you can accept and love me for it then you're probably still in my life, or we could probably be great friends. Needless to say, if you can't, you're probably insignificant to me and I won't waste time trying to make you see sense nor will I try to make you like me.


Hi fellas,

We all hate dealing with heartbreaks. We all hate dealing with break-ups. They can be so rough, and they can be amicable; no matter what, no one really wants to go through them. The loss of your relationship can bring on intense heartache and stress.

But what I didn't count upon was the bringing on of someone unwelcome into my life. Well, not directly, anyway. I know how painful break-ups can be and I know from firsthand experience it's not easy letting go. But there is no need to go all psychotic on someone else (a.k.a my friend A.) WHO IS NOT EVEN INVOLVED WITH YOUR EX and make life miserable for them. Bear in mind that now, you are single. You are not anyone's girl/boyfriend. You have the right to date whoever you want to date and see whoever you want to see. You have the right to do whatever you want to do and live life however you want to live it. But also bear in mind that your once-boy/girlfriend-now-ex is entitled to THE SAME RIGHTS.

We all have that one ex we don't want the world to know we dated. This psycho is probably one ex J. (okay so the situation unfolds here: J. is not really a friend of mine, he's on close/good terms with A. So Little Miss Psycho has promptly assumed A. and J. are together and that "HER PRECIOUS J." (lolzers) broke up with her for A. Assumption much?!) didn't want the world to know about.

Now, because of Little Miss Psycho (hereafter LMP), everyone has their own stories and variations of what is going on. What's the damned point of it all? What's the point of all these fabrications and drama? What's the point of feeding other people with stories when in reality YOU are the one still burdened by the truth of what really went on in your relationship? Doing all these doesn't make you a heroine, nor will it make your ex-boyfriend come back to you. He has moved on and so should you. Wallowing in your sorrow and indulging in self-pity is fine. Feel sad, cry, attempt suicide (lol), drink, take drugs, WHAT-FUCKING-EVER. But why assume when it has been made crystal-clear that both A. and J. are NOT dating, NOT seeing each other, NOT romantically/sexually involved in any way whatsoever?

Are you happy? Are you happy seeing all these drama unfold? Because, you little shit, nobody is happy. Nobody is truly happy with the fact that YOU fucking exist. J. broke up with you for a damned good reason and now I can truly see why: You're too much. You're insecure, you're a control freak, you're dramatic, you're attention-seeking. Like, 100 missed calls on J.'s phone, anyone? Lol!

You can continue feeding stories to other people who may actually give a tinker's toot about the likes of you. You can continue prolonging this drama series. You can continue being mean, you can continue cyber-bullying my friend. But let me tell you something: It's not going to change the fact that J. has long moved on from you and you are NOT getting him back. You have to face up to reality and stop being the delusional person that you are. Does making other people look bad make you feel good? Well then it clearly goes to show how bloody insecure you are.

It's hard to let go? Don't fucking tell ME it's hard to let go when the only thing you know about me is that my Twitter handle is @cigaretteveins. Do you know how much pain I have been made to go through? Yet I'm still here, I'm still alive and kicking, so what's your deal?

I know you stalk my Twitter but if you have read this entry up till here, you will realise that I never did reveal any names. Not even yours. Don't push me to the damned limits; you've hurt and harassed my friend enough. Go fucking do some self-reflection and learn to let go and move on with life, then we'll talk.

Hi hi hi hi hi! First post for the month of May! =D


Believe me, I've been meaning to blog in the longest time ever, but school is taking up so much time that I'm constantly worn out. D= I kinda lack a social life right now and I haven't played a single game of League of Legends in close to three weeks already! Sigh.

Well, here I am again to tell you guys how I spent my Mother's Day this year. ^^ Because my family loves my little toy poodle Robin, Mom decided to spend this day with him by bringing him out to the dog cafe located at Serangoon NEX!





















It's inappropriate of me to be blogging about this, but since nobody really reads my blog anymore, I shall just blog away then.

Another tragedy has struck the family. Well, not my immediate family, anyway. I'm talking about my extended family - y'know, my relatives and stuff. A lot of things have been going on, both with the world and within my world. So much tragedy, so much loss, so much tears and pain.

I'm getting a little tired and heavily burdened by all of these. I can't stand seeing people around me cry. I can't stand seeing people around me hurt and in pain. I can't stand the feeling of loss and separation.

And I can't imagine how much more my heart has to take.

It all hit me just now that everyone's no longer as young as they used to be. Everyone's no longer as carefree, no longer as 110% innocent and pure, no longer as genuinely happy. Everyone has their own responsibilities and commitments in their own lives. Everyone has their own secret joys and triumphs. Everyone has their desires, their temptations, their hate and their pain. All good things come to an end, this we know is true. But I just wish that end won't come so soon.

Call me childish, call me immature, call me foolish, but all I want is the safety and security of knowing I will wake up each day and know that all the people in my life are still alive and kicking, fit as a fiddle, still with me. I know to some of you, it may seem as though as I'm unwilling to face up to reality. But we all have points in our lives whereby we just want to run away and retreat in to that little bubble we've created for ourselves as a form of escapade.

I don't even know how to react to bad news anymore. I saw my mother's red eyes, heard my grandmother making numerous phone calls to break the news to our relatives, but I couldn't react the way a regular person will react to death. I suppose, for a normal person, first comes disbelief, then comes sadness. And the final emotion would be to want the deceased back to life again so badly it makes your heart literally ache, because there are still so many things left undone, still so much left unsaid. I just felt numb. And empty. Then a great wave of sadness and other emotions came over me as it dawned on me that life is just that fleeting. Nobody knows what's going to happen. This could be my final blog entry. Someone out there may be run over by a vehicle tomorrow. And someone else could have just stirred awake from a coma. Anything can happen and the scariest part of all these is that it's all totally beyond our control.

I think this is the reason why I'm not afraid to die. We have heard so much about death and the afterlife and such. But we still don't know what can happen to us in the next thirty seconds or so of our lives. In death, we know what to expect. But with life, it's a great fireball of energy that we can barely hold with our bare hands. And humans all, in one way or another, want a sense of safety and security. We all love adventure, but we also want a place to go home to.

I don't know if this blog entry is organised and/or well-written enough but to end this blog entry, I'd like to share with all you dear readers a poem about cherishing life.




Yet another disaster has shaken the world. If you don't already know, get your head out of the sand and read the news. Buy a paper for S$1, S$0.70, or check your Twitter. Go to Yahoo!, Google, whatever.

It's so fucking sad, isn't it? The Boston Marathon is America's iconic race, the oldest marathon in the country, and the most important. 18 people ran it in 1897; last year, 35,000 did. It's the site of Alberto Salazar and Dick Beardsley's 1982 duel in the sun. It's where Kip Litton may have ridden a bike, and where Rosie Ruiz definitely took the subway. The race is also iconic because you have to qualify. A New York Marathon shirt means someone got lucky in a race lottery. A Boston Marathon shirt means they've run fast. The finish line today was one of the saddest, most terrible athletic scenes ever. But in an ordinary year it's extraordinary. Well-trained amateurs from all over the world: Sweating, straining, slowing, sprinting.

The course was chosen to humble you, but now all of that seems irrelevant. But it matters, too. We don’t know for sure who set off the explosions, and we certainly don’t know why. But iconic events are a temptation. Terrorists struck the World Trade Center, and they hit the Boston Marathon. The videos of people fleeing from the blasts, with the smoke curling up, are eerily similar to what the world saw 12 years ago - and what we've seen other times too, as in London and Madrid.

Today, I woke up worrying about how to tell my lecturer that I wasn't going go to school. I woke up with a rather deep sense of sadness and loss because the first text message I opened was sent to me by someone greatly close to my heart, and she's gone away. I woke up feeling a little upset by the things I was going to have to do for my projects for school. I'm a born worrier actually; I worry about a lot of things, big or small. I worried about anything that I may have missed out on today, I worried about my friend, I worried about my grades and my projects, I worried about money, and I worried about boys, too. All in all, in the big scheme of things, these issues are very insignificant. I woke up, got myself lunch, played a game of League of Legends, did some research for my projects ... all while stressing these little things.

But when I heard about the bombing in Boston, I went numb. At a marathon dedicated to precious young children, beautiful little boys and girls, who lost their lives in the Sandy Hook Shootings, bombs were set off. It killed two, and injured 28. At least ten people have lost their limbs, whole limbs.

Just think of all the things you won't be able to do without your legs. You won't be able to move from class to class, you won't be able to go for long walks with your lover, you won't be able to run through a field of flowers. Then think of all the things you won't be able to do without your arms. You won't be able to type or play games on your iPhones/Androids, you won't be able to hold your wife's hand in the operating theatre when she's in labor, you won't be able to catch a Frisbee. Just think about it.

It makes you a lot more thankful, doesn't it? Suddenly all your petty issues seem so far away. Innocent people woke up this morning excited to run in the Boston Marathon. And today, these innocent people have been corrupted and ruined by some sick individual.

Y'know, there's something particularly devastating about an attack on a marathon. It's an epic event in which men and women appear almost superhuman. The winning men run for hours at a pace even normal fit people can only hold in a sprint. But it's also so ordinary. It's not held in a stadium or on a track. It's held in the same streets everyone drives on and walks down.

When we find out who did this, we may well find some fascination with the event. Perhaps it was a foreign terrorist, or a sick American. Perhaps it was someone who spotted a terribly easy target.

Or perhaps it was someone who saw a reflection of the human spirit, and decided just to try to shatter it.

Whether you are a Democrat or a Republican, a Catholic or an atheist, I think we can all band together in this time of mourning and not only weep for the lives lost and people injured today, but pray for them, pray for their families, and pray for a better tomorrow.



Never underestimate the power of a prayer.

Boston, our thoughts and hearts are with you.